Tag Archives: boundaries

Boundaries: please help me set them- feedback encouraged

Today’s blog deals with security, two types: internet and personal.  There is little more frightening than the idea that someone may break into one’s physical space- and when we teach internet security we use the idea of a back door and teach students not to leave the back door open,though in my case ((English being the subject matter), my students are much more computer savvy than me, and I learn from them all the time.  But this past week, two frightening incidents occurred.

First I started a course to upgrade/refresh business skills – with the dream to expand my business and over the next two years, become a fully functioning learning center- very exciting, a dream that has been percolating for ten years 🙂

Second, I celebrated personal changes within my family, being grateful for the most basic of things, the health and welfare of those nearest and dearest.

BUT, and as my students have come to recognize when there is a “but” in an essay – look for the transition, follow the points as they appear and hear the writer’s voice; BUT the first indication that something “was out of sync” came via the internet- had I been guilty of leaving my internet “backdoor” open and allowing for hackers? In fairness instead of turning the computer off I often put it into “sleep” – so perhaps I had let the hacker on-board.   In a bizarre set of incidents my keyboard initially didn’t register, then when my keyboard did register the only strokes it would type- either the symbol for trade mark, or the symbol for  registered.  – Some one who would not want me to achieve my business ideals? – Creepy, unusual, and most bizarre an occurrence that only happened within my home following my first day away from home and physically in class; however, taking the computer elsewhere – the keyboard works.  (My children had suggested throwing the machine out and buying a newer model-fortunately this expense is not necessary as the machine indeed works) the hacker however did damage; causing days of: frustration, annoyance, time and energy.   BUT – new “but”– many people get hacked- I chose to see it as a bizarre compliment? someone not wanting the business itself to grow– competition or just someone’s mean games? Regardless- a physical object.

Back to BUT  number 2:  after an exhausting run around day and the awareness that I had an evening meeting to attend I did the unthinkable –  I sat down and put my feet up- in a space without a back door- home- a condo, with doorman and security- and another very unusual action- fell asleep with an alarm on to waken me up in time for my meetings- excuse the lengthy description but what happened was frightening: as someone who almost never naps, and who considers the after school and weekend time the most productive the entire concept of that one hour break was unusual- so it was doubly scary to suddenly hear a male voice in the unit, to, in a sleep induced blur, waken to a physical presence inside the suite and I screamed, and thankfully my son was home,  and together we made certain the intruder left.  But visibly shaken I said to my son that for the first time I had an inkling of what could happen in a household where a person were startled in such a manner and the homeowner carried a weapon- there is no question in my mind- I would have used it!   Having always been against the concept of guns, having been an advocate of peaceful negotiations, having taught children of all ages sessions on ways to sow “seeds of peace” I found myself wishing for a weapon, or at the very least a jar of pepper spray.  And though I pretended to relax and dismiss the issue, to focus on my meeting later that evening, and did indeed attend the meeting but – another but- may not have given the types of clearly formed presentations I have developed a reputation for- I realize today that we as readers of events in the news, on the media, or simply gossiped about, we lack the very real first hand knowledge of why any individual may react to a situation in a particular fashion.  I “screamed” – growing angrier and angrier with the realization of the fact that the computer games and the in-person games may have been connected.  And Today? today I realize that back door, front door, side door- none had been opened when it came to my personal space.  And I realize too that if in future  I read about an individual who took “extreme measures” to defend him/herself or family I will be less quick to wonder how someone would react- for there are times for conversation, times to shout as loudly as possible, and times to- dare I say it -perhaps even grab a weapon.  My son reminded me of my previous and, to date, anti-violence stance and the fact that we laughed together after, that it was indeed a good thing that I hadn’t had a weapon and the problems weapons cause.  Unfortunately, today, all I can think of is Roosevelt and how stunned I was as a child to discover what his famous “big stick”  was a symbol for.  As an English tutor- I deal in symbols, and attempt understanding of them, or if not clearly able to offer a definitive explanation for a piece of poetry or prose then to suggest others offer their interpretations.   And the world around us, not merely the printed or artistic piece is filled with symbols.  So this blog is a question mark-  about Boundaries, how we define them, establish them and make clear when the lines may not be crossed.  And on a personal note how we teach them – clearly, articulately but with the underlying recognition that little is as easily erased as lines in the sand. 

– grateful that journal keeping can clear the  “cobwebs” in addition to communicating.  Interested in reading any reader responses.  Thank you